Forget the Labels, Folks

I've been noticing lately that there are a lot of people who choose to apply very specific definitions to different forms of relationships. And here's what I have to say to them: Don't. Forget the labels.

If there is anything we should have learned about each other these many thousands of years, it is that we are all very different. Unfortunately, we love our labels. For example, we're always making jokes about how women are impossible to understand, or how guys couldn't keep their apartments clean if their lives depended on it. Honestly? Give me a break. I know so many people who don't fit those stereotypes that it's not even funny.

That said, our relationships are just as unique as we are individually. We seem to be aware of that fact to a certain degree, because we can even find different definitions for "fuck buddy" and "friend with benefits." These two relationship forms are obviously quite similar, but we've managed to give them subtly different labels.

What is a label, anyway? It's an expectation. I can tell you from personal experience that having expectations never helps. I'm talking about everything, from jobs to sex. The only thing expectations have ever brought me are a) lack of surprise at something good, or b) disappointment.


Hypothetical situation: Getting back to my previous examples of "fuck buddy" and "friend with benefits," let's say a guy and a girl are acquaintances and they've got serious sexual chemistry. They have sex a few times, and the guy casually tells her that they're fuck buddies. That's fine -- whatever. But then the girl starts having some feelings for him. She's so confused, because she thinks her feelings will get in the way of their "fuck buddy" relationship and doesn't know if, or how, she should bring it up in conversation with him. Over time, she may start having major anxiety issues. I'm not pulling this stuff out of nowhere, you guys -- it does happen.

Labels, silent rules, expectations...they're all the same monster. So let's try this: instead of attaching a label to your relationship in order to define it, why not just talk to your partner and say, "Hey, here's how I feel, and what I want. How about you?"

Am I making it sound easy? Yes -- because it CAN be easy! You're the one making things difficult when you start bringing your labels and expectations into the mix. So quit mucking things up with titles, chief. And if a friend asks you to explain your relationship with someone, try describing it instead of labeling it: "We're good friends, and occasionally more." That is just an example, but I hope you see what I'm getting at. You should never let a title/label/expectation define your sexual/romantic relationships.

Now, I'm not saying you should not have standards. By all means, you should know what you want and what you don't want! But instead of expecting something from other people, expect it only from yourself.

Respect yourself, and you will always find your way.