Why Women Dread Dating

One thing I've noticed in the past couple of months is my lack of enthusiasm for dating. I was very surprised when I first realized my true feelings about it, because I frequently talk to friends about how much fun it can be. So why the change of heart?

After a recent date, I now have the answer: the thought of dating exhausts me because the dates themselves frequently feel forced.

I have lost count of the dates I've gone on where the guy starts whipping out his tricks. "Tricks, Jade?" Yes, reader...tricks. See below:

-"Are you cold?" Granted, you may be truly concerned about my comfort, but usually? You just want an excuse to put your arms around me. I'd rather just shiver for a bit than prematurely launch into the touching stage. Go away.

-"Would you like a massage?" Maybe it's because I'm a massage therapist that this offer isn't quite so awesome as it could be. I view massage as a true body maintenance method, and it bothers me to see it reduced to a technique for getting your hands on me during a first or second date. If you're going to massage me, I want to know that it's got a lot more do with making me feel better, and lot less to do with your penis. And no, your penis will not make me feel better. Go away.

-"Let me walk you to your car. ...No, I insist." No, I insist that you don't. Why? Because I know you'll probably be expecting something from me before I get into my car, sweet and kind though it was of you to ensure my safety to this point. I will say 'goodnight' and 'thanks for the date' over and over again, but you will continue to stand there, like a Labrador eagerly waiting for its owner to throw the frisbee again. And quit giving me that come-over-here look, as though we're both in on some big secret. Yes, I know what you're after. But guess what? I know exactly what I want, too, and that is to drive home -- right now. Go away.

The common theme is that feeling of being rushed. I used to shrug my shoulders and go along with it, sadly, but in the past year, I've reevaluated how I live my life. I am now a firm believer that all things worth having in this life are worth working and waiting for. So why should physical intimacy with someone be any different? I am a lady who takes a while to warm up to people, not unlike a cat. I'll smile, chat, laugh, etc., but I respect peoples' personal space, and I like them to do the same for me. Hugging is something I prefer to reserve for people I'm close to, so my opinions on kissing should go without saying. I like things to take their natural course.

That said, try to remember what it was like when you were an adolescent hanging out with your biggest crush. Neither person made any move for the longest time...and wasn't it unbelievably exciting?? It was completely unpredictable, and completely thrilling. Now that you're older, most of you fellas have forgotten what it can be like. You only know the end result you want -- sex -- and you immediately start trying to make that happen. It does not need to be this way.

In conclusion... Guys, if you're reading this, just take it slow with your dates. Maybe try letting her make the first move. The thought is just crazy -- I know. But give it a shot. After all, it's entirely possible that the reason she hasn't tried to have sex with you yet is because she feels she barely knows you, and isn't ready. When she is ready, she'll let you know. In the meantime, relax, and go with the flow.