Gift-Buying: Not a Substitute for "I'm Sorry"

There are a lot (and I mean a LOT) of people (guys AND girls) out there who opt for gift-purchasing in lieu of saying "I'm sorry" to the person they've wronged. It's fantastic for flower shops and jewelry store owners, but not so great for the person who was hurt. Why?

Well...I can tell you that when somebody has hurt me, I feel as though part of me has been stripped away. That may sound dramatic, but it's true. I feel like less of a person because the one who upset me doesn't respect me as much as I thought he/she did -- or at least it seems this way. Everyone's experienced this at some point, and it sucks.

You may be wondering: What's wrong with buying someone a present if you feel bad for hurting him/her? Answer: Nothing, as long as you give him/her a genuine apology along with that bouquet/watch/chocolate. To give someone a gift instead of apologizing is almost like saying, "Here, eat the chocolates and get over it."

The words 'I'm sorry' are hard to speak. I know it. You know it. To openly apologize to someone is the equivalent of saying, "I am not as smart as I thought I was. Sometimes I'm stupid, and this was one of those times." It puts you at the mercy of the person you upset, and that feeling of humility is one we'd rather avoid. Humility is a good thing, though, and keeps us grounded. It's important to be knocked onto our butts sometimes...through these experiences, we can learn to be more compassionate towards others.

But let's get to the other side of the situation: the person you upset is feeling far crappier than you are. And right now what they need is for you to say, "I understand why you are hurt. I didn't realize how you felt about the issue and I should have been more sensitive. It was wrong of me to act the way I did. I am so sorry, and I promise it won't happen again." You can paraphrase it however you want, but make sure that last part is in there -- I promise it won't happen again. It is very irritating and hurtful when someone says "I'm sorry" and then goes on to repeat the same mistake over and over again. Kinda makes apologies worthless, yeah? Saying you're sorry implies that you intend to never hurt him/her that way again. So, don't hurt them that way again. 'Kay?

Still feeling gross about the prospect of apologizing? You're afraid of looking stupid, right? I can understand that. But let me tell you something: the person you apologize to won't think you're stupid at all. In fact, he/she will respect you more. Sounds made-up, but I'm telling it straight. It takes a strong person to admit his/her own faults, and I guarantee that the person you apologize to will see that strength. So go on. Be strong...say "I suck!"